David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.” (1 Samuel 18: 25–27)
This article is based on the award-winning book, Enemy of Humanity, available everywhere.
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10 Unbelievable Facts About Christianity
Religion is a Joke
The bible is loaded with unbelievable facts that get regularly overlooked. I’ve compiled ten that will absolutely surprise you.
Fact#1: Did you know that if Jesus didn’t look like a ripped Italian supermodel no one would’ve bothered following or listening to him?
Fact#2: Speaking of Jesus, his original name was actually Yeshua given his dad was Jewish, but since Mary was Puerto Rican, she demanded his name be Jesús and it stuck.
Fact #3: Did you know that God violently destroyed Earth because Earth turned out to be violent? Who would’ve thought?
“So, God said to Noah, ‘I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.’” (Genesis 6:13)
Fact#4: The bible isn’t clear when Jesus got into cannibalism and condoned vampirism, but during the last supper — after he initially tried to get his disciples to eat him — he tried getting them to drink his blood too!
“Then the Jews began to argue with one another, saying, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’ So, Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in yourselves. The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. The one who eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.’” (John 6:52–56)
Fact#5: Joseph was planning on divorcing *Mary until an angel told him while he was high that he had nothing to worry about because she cheated on him with the holy spirit.
“As he considered [divorce], an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. ‘Joseph, son of David,’ the angel said, ‘do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit.’” (Matthew 1:20)
Fact#6: Did you know the holy spirit is the only one from the Trinity that’s not a virgin?
“Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah was as follows: when his mother Mary had been betrothed* to Joseph, before they came together, she was found to be pregnant by the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 1: 18)
* betrothed = engaged, not married! [BAFS]
Fact#7: It took Jesus about 30 years to figure out his career!
“Now Jesus himself was about thirty years old when he began his ministry. He was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph, the son of Heli,” (Luke 3:23)
Fact#8: Did you know when dinosaurs found out God cancelled them from the bible, they all killed themselves from depression?
Fact#9: Did you know that the phrase “What would Jesus do?” originated from him quitting carpentry?
Fact#10: Did you know that Jesus was the first recorded Jewish zombie in history?
“The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.” (Luke 24:7)
This article is based on the award-winning book, Enemy of Humanity, available everywhere.
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Feb 22
10 More Unbelievable Facts About Christianity
Religion is a Joke
Back by popular demand! After publishing 10 Unbelievable Facts About Christianity, many readers wanted to know more, so, I decided to compile another ten that are sure to be just as surprising.
Fact#11: The Beastmaster (1982) was actually based on a thin-skinned Jew named Elisha who had the power to summon animals to kill anyone that offended him!
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’ they said. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’ He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.” (2 Kings 2:23–24)
Fact#12: With about 12,000 gods worshipped throughout human history, the difference between an Atheist and a Christian is just one god, making Christians mostly atheistic!
Fact#13: Before his acting debut in Shrek, Donkey’s first gig was a scene in the Old Testament!
“When that happened, the Lord told donkey to speak, and it asked Balaam, ‘What have I done to you that made you beat me three times?’ ‘You made me look stupid!’ Balaam answered. ‘If I had a sword, I’d kill you here and now!’ ‘But you’re my owner,’ replied donkey, ‘and you’ve ridden me many times. Have I ever done anything like this before?’ ‘No,’ Balaam admitted. (Numbers 22:28–30)
Fact#14: One of the perks of becoming a Christian is that rape is free unless you get caught. With the Holy ghost discount applied, it’s just 50 bucks and you must own the woman for the rest of your life.
“If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.” (Deuteronomy 22:28–29)
Fact#15: Did you know that circumcision owes its invention to foreskin becoming more valuable than gold?
“Saul replied, ‘Say to David, the king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’ Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines. When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So, before the allotted time elapsed, David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.” (1 Samuel 18: 25–27)
Fact#16: Did you know that Disney’s silly symphony of dancing skeletons released in 1929 was based on actual events in the Old Testament?
“…the Spirit of the Lord placed me in the midst of the valley, and it was full of bones. He made me walk all around among them…The Sovereign Lord says to these bones: Look, I am about to infuse breath into you, and you will live. I will put tendons on you and muscles over you and will cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will live…There was a sound when I prophesied — I heard a rattling, and the bones came together, bone to bone. As I watched, I saw tendons on them, then muscles appeared, and skin covered over them from above…and the breath came into them; they lived and stood on their feet, an extremely great army.” (Ezekiel 37: 1–10)
Fact#17: God doesn’t mind incest; it was man who outlawed it.
“The next day the older daughter said to the younger, ‘Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.’ So, they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. So, both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father.” (Genesis 19:34–36)
Fact#18: Before curbing dogs there was curbing yourself! God kept getting pissed from stepping on human shit.
“You must have a spade among your other equipment, and when you relieve yourself outside you must dig a hole with the spade and then turn and cover your excrement. For the Lord your God walks about in the middle of your camp to deliver you and defeat your enemies for you. Therefore, your camp should be holy, so that he does not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.” (Deuteronomy 23:13–14)
Fact#19: Jesus once battled a tree and won.
“Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, ‘May you never bear fruit again!’ Immediately the tree withered.” (Matthew 21:19)
Fact#20: Jesus hated bacon so much he sent demons to possess someone’s herd of pigs so they can kill themselves.
“The demons begged Jesus, ‘If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.’ He said to them, ‘Go!’ So, they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this…then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.” (Matthew 8:31–34)
This article is based on the award-winning book, Enemy of Humanity, available everywhere.
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Feb 7
Encanto and the magic of seeing
Spoiler warning: This is a discussion of the film Encanto. I’ve avoided directly describing any plot twists, but I do explore themes and characters. If you prefer to first see Encanto with fresh eyes, watch it first and read this after!
As I begin watching a new Disney film, I wonder at what point my face will become a waterfall. In Up, it took 10 minutes. In Coco, it’s towards the end, when Remember Me, the…
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